The night is darkest before the dawn

As I looked at all of the posts I have made to this blog, I realized that I really dropped the ball this time. It has been so long since I've written a blog post. I know I say that pretty much with every post I make, but it feels different this time. I was reminded about how important it is to focus on the one today. I know that I'm blessed every time I sit down and put one of these posts together, so even if I'm the only person who reads this blog, I'm going to write because its such a healthy, spiritual activity for me.

I've been thinking about trials lately; the hard times people go through. I've watched people bear the crushing, unrelenting weight of school, watched people pick up the pieces of their lives after losing someone, and I've watched the day-to-day experiences of life burden and weigh people down.

Sometimes people go through some pretty horrific things, but sometimes people come out on top of those struggles as well.

For a moment I'd like to talk about one of the people I look up to immensely; my Grandma Diane. Everyone who would be reading this knows that we lost grandpa a few months ago. Grandpa was such an integral part of our lives, and the impact of my losing him felt like a crater in my emotions and my soul; the impact was tangible. If grandpa going to the other side impacted me, his grandson, that profoundly, I can only begin to imagine what it would be like for anyone to be separated from their companion, even if the separation is only temporary.

As I look back, this is the lens that I've found myself seeing grandma through. I been aware of how grandma has been going through a trial I don't even have the capacity to comprehend.

The more time has gone on, the more and more respect I've gained for my dear grandmother. I've marvelled at how well grandma has transitioned to life without grandpa. I marvell at how strong she is, how much of a leader she is, how sweet and kind she is, and how I feel the Spirit around her, and I feel inspired while I'm around her.

As sorry as I am to admit this, it took a heart-wrenching trial for me to experience my grandmother's innate potential and increidble goodness. From my perspective, it seems as if grandma's potential has bloomed like a flower, and grandma is taking her place at the front lines of God's mighty army, where she belongs.

I may be wrong, but I suspect that since grandpa has gone, grandma may have come to realize some of these things clearly for herself. I also suspect that if she's reading this, she's thinking of all the tough nights, the times where she wasn't as strong as she wanted to be, etc ... but all I've been able to focus on is the greatness that I've seen. The greatness that I've seen as I've realized grandma is human just like the rest of us.

So this brings me to the lesson that I've learned. We've been taught from the ground up in church that trials bring blessings. It's one thing to be taught it, and it's quite another to watch miracles occur in me and others around me. One of the most intimidating things that has gone on in my life the last little while is realizing that it's time for me to step up, follow suit, and take my place in the front ranks of God's army as well. No more riding on the tail coats of amazing men and women like grandpa, grandma, and my dad. Time to step up on my own. More often than not, I don't feel ready, but every time, I look back and realize The Lord has blessed me immensely and helped me make it through the most important matters.

This blog is going to keep coming this time. I've said that before too, but before too long my desires will become a reality. Until next time! Love you! 

New Job

How's it going? There has been a crazy lot of stuff that's happened in the last week, and I wanted to write you a quick post to tell you about it and let you know what's going on.

For starters, I have gotten a job! It was the most whirlwind experience ever. It started on Linked In. A recruiter found me, and took it upon herself to get in touch with me and inform me of positions I would be a good fit for based on my skill set. 

One of the places was 180 Fusion, and I interviewed with them and I got an offer the next day. This was truly a miracle from God. I've been taught since I was little that if you put God first, He'll take care of you. I wouldn't tell you that I always put God first, and I would like to be a lot more obedient than I am, but God really does take care of His children. I am still a little in shock at how quickly it happened; just about a week and our lives have changed.

Just going to give you a quick update about the pregnancy, too :). It's going well. Rachel's starting to show, and the baby is indeed healthy. She's moving out of the first trimester, and she's feeling much better, which makes me pretty happy.

Just wanted to keep everyone in the loop; hope everyone's well :)

Michael White

Life's Lessons

Hey everyone,

First, I should tell everyone about how the baby is doing. Turns out he's doing just dandy! He/She is about the size of a doughnut hole now, and very real. Our doctor said that he/she moves around a lot. Rachel is feeling a load better as well now that there's not as much stress in her life (it's nice to be out of school)

I'm glad to be out of school as well, but it's back to working hard pretty soon!

I have a couple of interesting stories to tell you guys. I made one of the dumbest choices I have ever made a few weeks ago in my Operations Management class; I decided to skip a quiz. I though, “of course my grade will be able to take it, I've got something more important going on at the house”. The more important thing was my wife, and I don't regret it, but it was still a dumb choice. The quiz was 12 percent of my grade. All of a sudden I found myself struggling to pass a class, the first time that's ever happened to me. I found out that if I aced the final, I'd be able to get a C+ to a B- type grade, and I'd pass. So … my work was cut out for me. Lucky for me the final was open notes and open book. So what ended up happening is that morning I read my scriptures and went on a run to clear my head, and walked in there ready to take the test. It was the best thing I could have done. I was clear headed and stress free and I did really well! I am going to graduate! But yeah, don't ever decide you can skip a random quiz :/

I've decided life is a lot like that as well. I don't know if you're like me and when faced with a lot of decisions or stress, it gets really easy to just go with something or just take the easy way out. Well, I tried that and all it did was cause a lot of long-term consequences. So yeah, life requires us to be clear headed and to think things through, otherwise we'll experience a lot of consequences we don't really want to experience.

The other big thing that's been going on lately is the job hunt. I haven't been offered any full-time salaried positions as of yet, and that was a bit discouraging at first. However, an email from a wise friend inspired me. She told me that if I wanted to get hired, I should make myself qualified! So, now I'm completely into it. I'm writing a professional level website (I'm going to write myself a personal planner type website because I didn't have any other bright ideas), and I got a job at a company that's going to teach how to maintain and host a website of my own as I learn and help others do the same. I'm super excited to buckle down and learn more, but it's been a great spiritual experience as well. It wasn't enough to just go through school. I've had to rely on the Lord to help me rise to where He knows I can be. This has drawn me so close to Him, and I'm really grateful for it.

It's amazing where the Lord is taking us, I am really excited about it.

Michael White

Job Hunt!

Hey everyone!

I learned a lot about job interviewing the other day and I wanted to share what I have learned. I interviewed at a place called Xactware. One of my really close friends works there, and working there would put me in a position that's really close to home, and it would provide me a chance to be a better friend to someone who may be experiencing a lot of loneliness. Perfect, right?

Well, I remember my interview with Solutionreach. They asked me a whole bunch of questions about Java specific programming. I wasn't able to answer ... well ... ALL of them. Needless to say, I didn't get the job.

So yeah, this job that appeared to be a C# specific job intimidated me. I didn't want to go into the whole thing and flop it like last time.

Before my interview, I had the chance to eat my lunch with JT. He didn't tell me what to expect or anything, what he did say was for me to rely on what I DID know, my C++ knowledge. I lucked out that C++ is so similar to Java, but I realized that showing them what I do know is a lot more important that showing someone I know all of their answers. The interview with Xactware went super well.

I feel like that applies to the other aspects of my life as well. I know that I feel like I'm figuring life out, so for someone to come tell me that I'm doing everything all wrong ... I tend to shut them out pretty fast. That being said, If someone were to say, well, here's what I know, those kinds of things are so appetizing to me! For example, last week I was being really pushy with Rachel. I didn't even realize I was doing it, but I was trying force the way I believed on her. It just made things bad. Then my dad explained how he saw the world, and it made sense. I apologized to Rachel for how pushy I had been and the Lord healed our relationship, right then and there. COOL!

So yeah, the other thing that's been happening is some fierce games of words with friends. Mom and her family really like playing, so I have started it up. It's been fun, and I've learned a lot about the strategy behind scrabble as i've played. Face to face scrabble would be much harder, as you can't spend however long you want thinking about the move :)

Well, until next week! Love you!

Texas!

So this week I've spent the week in Texas with mom! It's been a pretty exciting week. Yesterday mom and dad let me take the boys to a movie. We went and watched Oz, the great and powerful. Pretty good show, but I learned a couple of things in the process:
1) its going to be a very rare occasion when I tell me children to "get whatever snacks they want". Yeah, the bill for snacks ran up to about sixty dollars. I was floored.
2) I felt a lot like Rachel and I were parents. Getting everyone there safe, organizing everyone to get snacks, and ushering everyone into the movie, I really felt like a parent. That's not easy. I felt like after I become a parent, the things that make me happy are going to be completely different than the things that make me happy now. I feel like seeing my kids happy is what is going to make me happy

I am starting to believe that everyone has innate goodness in them. I have a couple of stories I think are funny. First one was with my little brothers at home. Rachel and I took Jaidon and Jordan to see once on this island. A standard musical for the younger generation. Both Jaidon and Jordan were "too cool" to go, and only went because I encouraged them to go. But by the end, BOTH of them loved it and were glued to their seats.

Same thing happened when we went to see Oz, the great and powerful. The only reason the boys consented to go see Oz, the great and powerful was because Rachel and I don't like the same types of movies they like. So yeah, no one was all that excited, but by the end, both Blake and John (the two youngest) were glued to their seats. When Oz kisses the good witch of the south, blake yelled, "just kiss her already!". So funny. When Oz scared the evil witches away, John clapped. Super funny. But yeah, I think that people are naturally born different than the world. All of us are better than the circumstances surrounding us.

Found out I'm not as young as I used to be, either. Exercised with Dillan, Blake, and John this week. I was the slowest (but steadiest) runner of the three. I physically couldn't run as fast as they could. Then, the next day, I did muscle workouts with the younger two. I tried really hard to push the boys, but ended up killing myself in the process. This is why i'm going to be consistent about exercising. I want to get in shape. I'm going to do it.

Last thought, I realized this week that spending quality time with people is a proactive endeavor. If you don't make time for it, it doesn't happen. Clear as mud? The times I made the effort to spend time with the family was wonderful! had the funnest time playing charades. The young bucks got their butts' kicked by the married folks ;) Super fun :)

Well, until next time. Love all of you!!!

Michael White

Hey again! just sending you a quick weekly update!

So yeah, not much new has been happening lately, except for the job hunt. I'm graduating college in May, so its been time to look for a job. I have a few places that still look promising.

I may have a shot at a place called Xactware where my really good friend works. That would be a sweet job. 

I interviewed at a place right by Thanksgiving Point called SolutionReach. The atmosphere is really chill, and I'd enjoy working there I think.

Most I'm just really tired of being 2 1/2 hours away from the family. I feel so drawn to home, and I can't go home very often. We're ready to move back home.

Other places that might work out: The Church. I ran into them at a career fair today, and it seems promising! Super excited. Hill Air Force base in Ogden might also be a place where I could.

Haha, shoot we're just keeping our fingers crossed at this point. Just because one place looks promising doesn't mean much. I wouldn't feel comfortable placing all of my chips in one place, so we're working as hard as we can to do otherwise.

Well, as far as other things that have been new, I've been really enlightened about Marriage and my wife. Probably the best thing about getting married, period, is realizing that a wonderful woman like my wife has trusted me with everything. I get the honor of knowing what she thinks, how she feels, what her opinions are, and what means the very most to her. It means so much to me to know where she stands on all of the big things. As the days go on I marvel at what a thrill it is to be married to Rachel Virginia White. She's given herself to me, trusted me with everything. Rachel's so loving and nurturing that only places pressure on one of us. I love my wife, and I love how the Lord has granted me more knowledge about this.

That's about it for now. I can bear witness that the Lord gives us the strength to do things if we will simply seek them. The Lord asked me, a long time ago, to develop a few simple habits; exercise, meaningful scripture study, and working on the 12-Steps every day. I've been off and on, not really doing it as well as I should. He wants everyday. Well, he gave me a witness, after I was able to receive it, that the spiritual strength I get from doing those things is immeasurable. The question isn't, how can I find time to do them, the question is, how can I not? I have been much more consistent, and oh my goodness, I just feel wonderful.

Well, talk to you later everyone; thanks for letting me ramble!

Lots of travel and learning

Hey everyone! I've learned a lot of life lessons these past couple of weeks, and I would like to share them with you if I could.

The first experience happened a couple of weeks ago, as I was driving home from Provo. Rachel's mom had the chance to be in a podcast about near death experiences. I start listening to it. Pretty soon in my curiosity was really piqued. These people were talking mainly about actual experiences they've had when they've died, etc ... I've died before, and I wish I remember what I saw, so naturally I got really into it.

One guy said something really interesting that stuck with me. He said that before I had his experience, he thought that praying involved "getting on his knees and saying stuff". He then said that when he prays now, what he does is he is quiet and allows the chance for light and truth to enter his heart.

So ... I tried it. The rest of the way home, I was still, and listened. The Lord prompted me to bring my concerns to him, and I did. It resulted in learning a lot about things I can do to help other people. A lot of things. I was blown away by how powerful just being still was. I remember when I was a lot more of a rebel being still was something I never. How could I? The guilt of doing the things the Lord wouldn't want me to do would come back to haunt me.

when I got home, I was so happy, and Rachel and I enjoyed a blissful evening of just being together.

The other experience I wanted to share happened last Tuesday. I had the chance of spending the day in Salt Lake, as Rachel had a concert in Kingsburry Hall with the U of U Symphony. As I was visiting my grandma Hyatt, she told me how, for 38 years, her husband, Dallas, has written her love notes, bought her flowers, and in short did little things like that to show his wife he loves her. Grandma Hyatt does indeed feel loved. So much in fact, that there's never ever even a doubt in her mind.

I think about how sometimes I do that for my wife. Mostly I do chores around the house to show her that I love her. Well, I got thinking about how each time Rachel gets happy and feels loved, but what effect would it have on me if I were to step up my game, and be consistent for the rest of forever? The impact of little things that I don't think are too big of a deal would be become astronomical. This has left a deep impression on my mind.

Oh, and it was really fun to try and make coffee with my grandma. I really hope we put enough coffee beans in the pot :)

This lesson was strengthened as I visited my Uncle Maurice. My uncle Maurice is one of the greatest men I know. To the world, it may seem like he's a little rough around the edges, but like the people I care about the most, I couldn't care less what the world might think. He has a heart of gold. When I was growing up, I remember every holiday, birthday, Christmas, I would get a card from him. One day how much that meant hit me. Dad expressed his respect for Maurice for being so consistent in telling me he loved me. Once again, that idea of being consistent sunk deep into my heart.

I now have a much deeper desire to step up my game as a husband, to do more, and to be consistent. My personal witness of Elder Ballard's conference talk about beehives. The Lord has done a lot more to teach me about things His leaders say than I comprehend, I think. He has the most interesting way of getting things he wants me to now to sink into my heart.

Anyways, I love you guys, and I'm really grateful that I had the chance to talk about this. I hope you get something from it. I know I did.

Michael White